Zadie Smith on Our Pres(id)ent Condition by jfbeardsley
February 23, 2009, 4:11 pm
Filed under: other peoples' genius | Tags: , , , ,

O'Hara tombstone

I’ve seen this making various rounds, but in case it’s not yet fallen to your watchful eyes (or ears), this lecture by Zadie Smith, given at the New York Public Library a few weeks ago is pretty spectacular.

Published in a recent issue of the New York Review of Books, the talk is ostensibly about Obama and the idea of many-voicedness (yes, a word, albeit hyphenated). But with astonishing sweep and elan, the author of White Teeth and On Beauty wends her way through (among plenty of others) Pygmalion, plainsong, the gunpowder plot, Shakespeare, and Frank O’Hara on her way to an elegant deconstruction of the Voice and the Word.

Do yourself a favor. Read it here, or listen to it here. If you’ve got a minute or a train ride or an hour to fill, hearing Smith’s delivery is definitely worth the download.


Massachoosetts: Ripe for the Takeover by Ricky
February 19, 2009, 7:53 pm
Filed under: america, economy, ricky

Now that Thousands has amassed an international army of loyal readers, I think it’s time we talked about “empire-building”. The USA is in economic crisis… but that means plenty of great opportunities for us to seize control of floundering states! 

John Winthrop, The Governor of Massachusetts

John Winthrop, The Governor of Massachusetts


Thankfully, Zam has infiltrated the intended target, Massachusetts, and scored footage of their newest military puppy drones. Basically, they are not that scary. But why are we targeting Massachusetts,  an unruly and lame state by all accounts? They have the largest per capita state debt. They don’t even own their own asses. We seize it, our new government strips it of all valuable goods ($$, cars, pretty people, gold, jewels), and then we’ll flip it. (England has expressed interest, ha ha.)

This all works, in my head.

Feel the Music [synesthesia] by dweis
February 17, 2009, 2:44 am
Filed under: airships, design won't save the world you pretentious fuck, zombies | Tags: , ,

So apparently in Canada they make machines that basically enhance synesthesia-like experiences. It looks pretty cool in this picture, and I really want to know what it’s like to play a keyboard and feel the results instead of hearing them…

I can’t say I agree with Paste‘s phrasing in their explanation of what the “Emotichair” does…

This chair, developed by Ryerson University’s Centre for Learning Technologies in Toronto, is a full-body vibrator that reacts to the frequency of individual notes.

… but I guess a full-body vibrator is cool in and of itself.

Anyway, it seems that there will be a concert for deaf folks, all of whom get to sit in these nifty contraptions and rock out to Fox Jaws, The Dufraines and Hollywood Swank, along with some other bands.

Assassin Dog by Ricky
February 16, 2009, 7:28 pm
Filed under: death, dogs, ricky, survival, war, would you like fries with that?

I was shot this afternoon by a dog riding past me in a speeding corolla. I only survived because I am invincible against dog barks that have doppler-shifted into gun shots. If the King Dog wants to get rid of ME, he’s going to have to GET SERIOUS.

Interview with Tim Geithner ’83 by Ricky
February 10, 2009, 4:53 pm
Filed under: Dartmouth College, in ze newz, interview, Ivy elitist crap, ricky, tim geithner


I scored a seminal interview with Hank Paulson a few months ago, and I figured I’d follow it up by talking to that other Dartmouth grad in the news, Timothy Geithner. He cheated on his taxes, but he seems pretty chill. I emailed him yesterday for an interview ( Here’s our chat:

RickyRetardo_08: good morning
TIMMY$$GEES_83: hey! 
Continue reading

For the Hipster who wants to be F L A SH Y, but Lacks Guidance: by Ricky
February 6, 2009, 11:35 pm
Filed under: generally bad ideas, ricky, Special Advertising Pullout

Have you considered getting airbrushed acryllic fake nails? They’re so ridiculous, that I’m surprised they aren’t already a thing. (Wavefayrers are also things, for reference.)

If I were a flashy lady hipster, fake nails would define my look. Unfortunately, I rock more of an “uncool space-alien raised in the midwest and just trying to blend in” look, so I’m washing my hands of the fake nails trend. It’s all you. Get some.


Fact vs Fiction…

Fiction: Fake nails are sanitary things to touch food with

Fact: There is a black market for fake nails, and Thousands wants to be in on it.

Fiction: Fake nails are sexy. Sexier than genitals. 

Fact: God created acrylic nails to cover up women’s sinful fingertips.

Fiction: Fingernails are something to be celebrated

Fact: In Dallas, fake nails are valid currency, and some people get murdered for their “tips”, (a slang word meaning nails).

I Love Auto Humor by Ricky
February 4, 2009, 11:33 pm
Filed under: would you like fries with that?

Every Christmas, my uncle gave my dad a subscription to Autoweek. My dad loved it, (except that they didn’t really support American enough).  Each issue had a feature on the back page, though, called But Wait, There’s More…, where they featured ostensibly humorous odds’n’ends. Funny pictures of cars, funny quotes from nascar drivers, and so on. I ALWAYS read this page, even though only 10% of the content made remote sense to me, and about 2%  of that was funny. For example, here is one of this week’s hilarious “overheards”:

“Honda has discontinued more hybrids than any other car company!” – Overheard at the Los Angeles auto show.  Chuckle?

I don’t give a shit about cars in general, (I never even glanced through the rest of the magazine), and yet I still wanted to be on the inside when it came to their jokes, like, really badly. I put years of effort into understanding car jokes, and I am still like a dog trying to understand MadTV. But we finally reached common ground, when they featured this youtube link. It is, in their words, “the most ill-conceived car stunt of all-time.” And guys, it is true, and it was funny, and it took place in the real 70s.