For the Hipster who wants to be F L A SH Y, but Lacks Guidance: by Ricky
February 6, 2009, 11:35 pm
Filed under: generally bad ideas, ricky, Special Advertising Pullout

Have you considered getting airbrushed acryllic fake nails? They’re so ridiculous, that I’m surprised they aren’t already a thing. (Wavefayrers are also things, for reference.)

If I were a flashy lady hipster, fake nails would define my look. Unfortunately, I rock more of an “uncool space-alien raised in the midwest and just trying to blend in” look, so I’m washing my hands of the fake nails trend. It’s all you. Get some.


Fact vs Fiction…

Fiction: Fake nails are sanitary things to touch food with

Fact: There is a black market for fake nails, and Thousands wants to be in on it.

Fiction: Fake nails are sexy. Sexier than genitals. 

Fact: God created acrylic nails to cover up women’s sinful fingertips.

Fiction: Fingernails are something to be celebrated

Fact: In Dallas, fake nails are valid currency, and some people get murdered for their “tips”, (a slang word meaning nails).