For Ricky by louplinz
August 13, 2009, 10:23 am
Filed under: growing up, ricky, womens and gender studies

A man tells his psychiatrist: “Doc, I’m worried that I’m losing my wife’s love.”

The psychiatrist responds, “Why, has she started to neglect you?”

“Not at all,” says the man. “She meets me at the door with a cold drink and a warm kiss every night. My shirts are always ironed, the house is always spotless, she’s a great cook, and she keeps the kids out of my hair. She lets me choose the television shows we watch and she never objects to sex or says she has a headache.”

“So… what seems to be the problem?”

“Well… maybe I’m just being too sensitive,” the husband ventured, “but at night, when she thinks I’m sleeping, she puts her lips right up to my ear and whispers:

Die, you son of a bitch. Die.’



Generation Iron-E by thousands2thousands
March 3, 2009, 10:41 pm
Filed under: economy, in ze newz, ricky, survival

For those of you who don’t listen to the radio show This American Life with a hard-on, bare with me. They’ve done a spectacular job thus far of covering the economic crisis, (part 1 & part 2) , and this week’s episode “Bad Bank” is nothing short of profound. Catastrophically profound \m/. 

There are some news stories you can hope to sit out. Ira Glass, the host, says he sat out Kosovo. But this is a story we will be dealing with and hearing about for the next decade (unless an enormous psychic alien-monster drops onto New York City, uniting the world against a more pressing threat). So we may as well get the story straight, and with jazzy background music.

The first twenty minutes explain the state of the economy and how we got here. Then they start talking to IMF guys and Deutsche Bank dudes and G-men about the possible plans for getting out of this mess, and it’s funny/horrifying. Then the straightforward insights start rolling in, and you think to yourself, “my parents try to be nice humans, but I didn’t want to live like them, anyway. Their parents were way cooler (except for the racism/sexism)”. 

 This is the worst economic crisis since 1929, and therefore we’re all freaked out about living through the next great depression. Fine, but what about bloody continent-consuming wars? Are we freaked out about spawning any of those? Can that still happen?

germaninflation



News Roundup by Ricky
March 3, 2009, 3:09 pm
Filed under: in ze newz, ricky, survival
  • Prince William eloped with a young British lady of Indian descent, setting the stage for the first Indian Queen of England, which is a pretty interesting turn of events, all things considered.  [news]
  • 78% of young adults would have chosen a different and “better” college major, had they known the economic crisis was coming. [news]
  • Bull sharks, which are the worst, can now live in fresh water. Too bad the environmental movement got its shit together, or else I would personally be dumping rusty barrels of poison down the Mississippi. Not even Captain Planet would give these guys a hand. [FUCK]

 

I wish bull sharks were extinct

I hate them even more than rapists.

Okay, the first two news stories were only some passing thoughts of mine. But the third one is TRUE and it is important that you take sharks seriously. Thinking about sharks is the leading cause of atheism in children. Damnit damnit damnit, they have no compassion. Even bears and wolves have compassion. (Tigers don’t have compassion, either, for the record. But Lionesses do, as well as Mountian Gorillas.)



Could you Sack a City? by Ricky
February 24, 2009, 7:37 pm
Filed under: adventure, death, psychology, ricky, survival, victory

Okay, it’s the near future. You’re part of a marauding horde, and your dirty charismatic leader, (Edward Norton), says that you’ll all be sacking Cincinnati tomorrow, as a team. Are you in, or are you out?  



Massachoosetts: Ripe for the Takeover by Ricky
February 19, 2009, 7:53 pm
Filed under: america, economy, ricky

Now that Thousands has amassed an international army of loyal readers, I think it’s time we talked about “empire-building”. The USA is in economic crisis… but that means plenty of great opportunities for us to seize control of floundering states! 

John Winthrop, The Governor of Massachusetts

John Winthrop, The Governor of Massachusetts

 

Thankfully, Zam has infiltrated the intended target, Massachusetts, and scored footage of their newest military puppy drones. Basically, they are not that scary. But why are we targeting Massachusetts,  an unruly and lame state by all accounts? They have the largest per capita state debt. They don’t even own their own asses. We seize it, our new government strips it of all valuable goods ($$, cars, pretty people, gold, jewels), and then we’ll flip it. (England has expressed interest, ha ha.)

This all works, in my head.



Assassin Dog by Ricky
February 16, 2009, 7:28 pm
Filed under: death, dogs, ricky, survival, war, would you like fries with that?

I was shot this afternoon by a dog riding past me in a speeding corolla. I only survived because I am invincible against dog barks that have doppler-shifted into gun shots. If the King Dog wants to get rid of ME, he’s going to have to GET SERIOUS.



Interview with Tim Geithner ’83 by Ricky
February 10, 2009, 4:53 pm
Filed under: Dartmouth College, in ze newz, interview, Ivy elitist crap, ricky, tim geithner

geithnerpaulson1

I scored a seminal interview with Hank Paulson a few months ago, and I figured I’d follow it up by talking to that other Dartmouth grad in the news, Timothy Geithner. He cheated on his taxes, but he seems pretty chill. I emailed him yesterday for an interview (Timothy.F.Geithner.83@dartmouth.edu). Here’s our chat:

RickyRetardo_08: good morning
TIMMY$$GEES_83: hey! 
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