Generation Iron-E by thousands2thousands
March 3, 2009, 10:41 pm
Filed under: economy, in ze newz, ricky, survival

For those of you who don’t listen to the radio show This American Life with a hard-on, bare with me. They’ve done a spectacular job thus far of covering the economic crisis, (part 1 & part 2) , and this week’s episode “Bad Bank” is nothing short of profound. Catastrophically profound \m/. 

There are some news stories you can hope to sit out. Ira Glass, the host, says he sat out Kosovo. But this is a story we will be dealing with and hearing about for the next decade (unless an enormous psychic alien-monster drops onto New York City, uniting the world against a more pressing threat). So we may as well get the story straight, and with jazzy background music.

The first twenty minutes explain the state of the economy and how we got here. Then they start talking to IMF guys and Deutsche Bank dudes and G-men about the possible plans for getting out of this mess, and it’s funny/horrifying. Then the straightforward insights start rolling in, and you think to yourself, “my parents try to be nice humans, but I didn’t want to live like them, anyway. Their parents were way cooler (except for the racism/sexism)”. 

 This is the worst economic crisis since 1929, and therefore we’re all freaked out about living through the next great depression. Fine, but what about bloody continent-consuming wars? Are we freaked out about spawning any of those? Can that still happen?

germaninflation

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News Roundup by Ricky
March 3, 2009, 3:09 pm
Filed under: in ze newz, ricky, survival
  • Prince William eloped with a young British lady of Indian descent, setting the stage for the first Indian Queen of England, which is a pretty interesting turn of events, all things considered.  [news]
  • 78% of young adults would have chosen a different and “better” college major, had they known the economic crisis was coming. [news]
  • Bull sharks, which are the worst, can now live in fresh water. Too bad the environmental movement got its shit together, or else I would personally be dumping rusty barrels of poison down the Mississippi. Not even Captain Planet would give these guys a hand. [FUCK]

 

I wish bull sharks were extinct

I hate them even more than rapists.

Okay, the first two news stories were only some passing thoughts of mine. But the third one is TRUE and it is important that you take sharks seriously. Thinking about sharks is the leading cause of atheism in children. Damnit damnit damnit, they have no compassion. Even bears and wolves have compassion. (Tigers don’t have compassion, either, for the record. But Lionesses do, as well as Mountian Gorillas.)



Interview with Tim Geithner ’83 by Ricky
February 10, 2009, 4:53 pm
Filed under: Dartmouth College, in ze newz, interview, Ivy elitist crap, ricky, tim geithner

geithnerpaulson1

I scored a seminal interview with Hank Paulson a few months ago, and I figured I’d follow it up by talking to that other Dartmouth grad in the news, Timothy Geithner. He cheated on his taxes, but he seems pretty chill. I emailed him yesterday for an interview (Timothy.F.Geithner.83@dartmouth.edu). Here’s our chat:

RickyRetardo_08: good morning
TIMMY$$GEES_83: hey! 
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Fundraiser in Novak? by Ricky
September 16, 2008, 4:52 am
Filed under: chocolate, Grimms Faery Tales, in ze newz, payday, ricky, survival, wall st


So what happens to the dartmouth alums who worked for Lehman bros or Merrill or Bear Stearns or Freddie Mac or Fanny Mae? Are a lot of people getting …down-sized? I hope they know they’re welcome to crash on my futon. I mean, sleep on my futon.

Fanny Mae used to scoff at Fannie May chocolates, but look who was in the right business now? I mean, what would you rather have, candy or a house? Crap, I’m trying to think of a good ‘house made of candy’ joke here, like hansel and gretel, but it’s just not coming. It’s like…. my thoughts are a trail of breadcrumbs…. that have been eaten by birds….. oh fuck it.



"the holy slow train" — b. dylan by howeas
September 2, 2008, 3:33 pm
Filed under: in ze newz, schizophrenia

Suckers bringing the realness at the RNC in St. Paul:

“If you ‘just tripped,’ why are you pepper-spraying Jeff?”

Lindsay “Warhol Recursion” Lohan still exists. From Wikipedia:

Lohan has yet to comment on the exact nature of their relationship, stating through her publicist that she “wants to keep her private life private.” When pressed by a paparazzo to deny the rumors, Ronson responded, “Are you retarded?”

Things that make that much sense:

Paparazzo: “Deny the rumors!”
George Clooney: “Am I hungry?”

Paprazzo: “Deny the rumor!”
Lisa Kudrow: “What is a quark?”

Paprazzo: “Deny a rumor!”
Winston Churchill: “Come here often?”

Two great album titles, one deep-sounding-because-we’re-French-and-half-literate song title, and the my favorite band name ever:

Everything That Happens Will Happen Today
Everything All the Time
Everything Is Everything
Girls Are Short

In conclusion, Michael Johnson looks like a haggard Eddie Murphy, Tony Stewart looks like a fat John Cusack, and it is hilarious to spend a year smoking up every day and getting super fat before getting completely over it and regular-size again. That must be the biggest perk of being young and male.



ARE YOU KIDDING ME? by howeas
September 1, 2008, 9:00 pm
Filed under: in ze newz, schizophrenia

Fact: Alaska’s state motto is “North to the Future.” That is the second-best state motto after “Live Free or Die” (Nü Hampshire). The worst is Ohio’s—“With God, All Things are Possible” —because it is not true. (“Cincinnati? Do you mean Cincifratty Brohibro?” “…No.”). HILARIOUS.

Mission Impossible Two, oh my God: people take off their faces in that movie like you and I walk down stairs (not that often, but with an air of aggressive ‘of course’). The stressed characters (all of them; calm down Tom Cruise!) rub their temples and then, as if an afterthought, un-face. Dept. of Come On: director John Woo also made Face/Off. Some kinda formative childhood trauma he must’ve had. Then again, MI2 came out in 2000, when websites still asked you if you wanted Frames. The past is a foreign country: they face the future less figuratively there.

The word ‘aggressive’ is soon to join ‘random’ and ‘awkward’ in the graveyard of killing overuse. The millions of guilty will face no jury. ‘Absurd’ is endangered.

“Not at all” is a bizarre way to say “You’re welcome.”

“Thank you.”
“No! Nooo!”

“Fuck you, fuck your fuckin’ pizza, and fuck Frank Sinatra.” Casting an Italian guy as a pizza shop owner is like casting a black guy as a criminal or inmate.

“Okay, get in the cell. Nice. Also, there is no movie.”
–America

This post being a hodgepodge, I will tell you that Thousands’s Ricky sent my family a thank-you sausage after crashing at our house. The packaging says this: “ARE YOU KIDDING ME? That’s the best summer sausage I’ve ever had!”

Ricky, everyone: I am not kidding you.



NERDING: keeping climate change super cool by hayk47
August 26, 2008, 2:02 pm
Filed under: green machine, in ze newz, nerding out

The origin of the common idiom, “The sky’s the limit,” is thought to come from Don Quixote. But I don’t even think that OG D.Quix would be able to fathom the absurdly cool applicability of his statement to one of today’s most high profile advancements in green architecture.

Looking at the current rate of expansion and population increase of us human-beans, it is estimated that by the year 2050, 80 percent of people, of which there will be 3 billion more, will live in urban centers. To match this demand for food while the land to grow it on becomes more scarce, it has been proposed that we mimic our urban progress by building farms up. Not only will this high-density solution provide sufficient space to supply a growing need, it will also allow for crops to be produced in a controlled environment at the source of demand, maximizing production while renewing and reusing resources, minimizing the cost of transport, and allowing for our natural spaces previously used for agriculture to recuperate.


The Vertical Farm was conceived by Dickson Despommier, a professor of public health at Columbia in 1999, and has grown from an imaginative but inconceivable solution, to a distinct developmental possibility. It’s all over the webernets. Check it out.