Be On the Lookout: Serial Killing by thousands2thousands

Between the recession, craigslist.com, and soft-on-crime liberal politicians, we may be entering a perfect storm of serial killing. I sat down with the old man next door, Lyle, to discuss his experience with serial killers through the decades, and what we can do to protect our families. 

Ricky Pukulski: Good morning, Lyle. Thanks for talking with me today.   

Lyle Bauersdorf: Not at all. It’s always nice to talk. 

RP: Can I get you something to drink?

LB: A beer would be fine.

RP: Sure!… So have you ever known a serial killer, personally?

LB: Well, that’s hard to prove. My wife, for instance, had a string of miscarriages in the 60s. Does that make her a serial killer? No, of course not. But what if it drove her a little crazy, and she was also responsible for smothering all those poor infants in ’71? 

RP: That would make her a serial killer. Continue reading

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Haunted Closet by Ricky
January 30, 2009, 5:59 pm
Filed under: animals, death, human growth and development, ricky, survival, unreasonable plans, youth


One time my parents noticed an orange extension cord running through my room, and they followed it to find an old clamp lamp glowing  inside one of my closet drawers. They initially suspected a hydroponics project,  but instead the lamp was just keeping three small eggs warm.

The eggs hatched into baby house finches, but a few nights later the old lamp bulb burnt out and the babies all froze to death in my t-shirt drawer. They didn’t have enough feathers yet.

Meesters House Finches



Miserere Mei, Deus by Ricky

DEUS! DEUS! DEUS! DEUS! DEUS!

About 1 min in, they start doing their solos, and it is :’ | :’ | :’ |



ANDY’S BOX by Ricky
September 8, 2008, 6:07 pm
Filed under: crazy, human growth and development, ricky, unreasonable plans, youth

There was a kid named Andy in my sixth grade class who had severe ADHD. He couldn’t sit still and bothered everybody around him. Our teacher got really fed up and finally came up with a unique punishment/treatment plan.

She cut out the small top and bottom panels of a refrigerator box, so that it was just one 7 ft tall cardboard tube. She’d have Andy sit down in his desk, and then she’d put the box over him, so that he was completely surrounded.

The thinking was that Andy could listen to the lectures through the open top of his pen, but he wouldn’t be distracted by seeing the rest of the class. It actually worked (maybe?) for a couple days, and then the insanity started.

At first, we’d just hear minor scuffles coming from the box. Then he started randomly throwing things out of the top of his box, like erasers and pencils and wads of paper. Sometimes he would climb up on top of his desk, so that he could peak out over the top. The teacher would retaliate by banging on his cardboard walls.

He poked a hole through the back of the box with his pencil, so that he had a little spy hole to hold his eye to. Eventually it was big enough for him to stick a wiggling finger through. Hilarious.

But one day he flipped out and what looked like a knife came stabbing through the side of his box. It turned out to be the big pair of scissors from the teacher’s desk. She yelled for him to stop, but he kept going until the side panel was perforated enough for him to rip his way out through. He dropped the scissors and tried to take off running down the hall.

Now that the side of his box was hanging open, we could see that he had completely covered the inside of it with horrifying graffiti.



Pop Quiz, Hotshots by Ricky
September 6, 2008, 9:39 pm
Filed under: computer science, human growth and development, poll, ricky
WHO ARE YOU?

A.
My soul is a sore foot!

My body’s just a new sock!

B.

Ricky Pukulski

C.

A point of consciousness
6 feet above the ground

D.

Not a fucking poet, that’s for sure

RESULTS (POLLS ARE CLOSED):

A = 30 %
B = nobody %

C = 20 %

D = 50
%