Be On the Lookout: Serial Killing

Between the recession,, and soft-on-crime liberal politicians, we may be entering a perfect storm of serial killing. I sat down with the old man next door, Lyle, to discuss his experience with serial killers through the decades, and what we can do to protect our families. 

Ricky Pukulski: Good morning, Lyle. Thanks for talking with me today.   

Lyle Bauersdorf: Not at all. It’s always nice to talk. 

RP: Can I get you something to drink?

LB: A beer would be fine.

RP: Sure!… So have you ever known a serial killer, personally?

LB: Well, that’s hard to prove. My wife, for instance, had a string of miscarriages in the 60s. Does that make her a serial killer? No, of course not. But what if it drove her a little crazy, and she was also responsible for smothering all those poor infants in ’71? 

RP: That would make her a serial killer. Continue reading


Generation Iron-E
March 3, 2009, 10:41 pm
Filed under: economy, in ze newz, ricky, survival

For those of you who don’t listen to the radio show This American Life with a hard-on, bare with me. They’ve done a spectacular job thus far of covering the economic crisis, (part 1 & part 2) , and this week’s episode “Bad Bank” is nothing short of profound. Catastrophically profound \m/. 

There are some news stories you can hope to sit out. Ira Glass, the host, says he sat out Kosovo. But this is a story we will be dealing with and hearing about for the next decade (unless an enormous psychic alien-monster drops onto New York City, uniting the world against a more pressing threat). So we may as well get the story straight, and with jazzy background music.

The first twenty minutes explain the state of the economy and how we got here. Then they start talking to IMF guys and Deutsche Bank dudes and G-men about the possible plans for getting out of this mess, and it’s funny/horrifying. Then the straightforward insights start rolling in, and you think to yourself, “my parents try to be nice humans, but I didn’t want to live like them, anyway. Their parents were way cooler (except for the racism/sexism)”. 

 This is the worst economic crisis since 1929, and therefore we’re all freaked out about living through the next great depression. Fine, but what about bloody continent-consuming wars? Are we freaked out about spawning any of those? Can that still happen?


For Your Consideration, Pop Stars
December 16, 2008, 8:08 pm
Filed under: bargain brand list
Have you considered these timely rhyming pairs for one of the filler songs on your next album?

1. NYSE & street credibility

2. Sad hobos & frugal hoes

3. Dog food & gotcha nude

4. From the east side & confirmed suicide

Protected: Stupendous
December 12, 2008, 8:18 pm
Filed under: and that's what I think about that, religion

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Enter your password to view comments.

hell hath no nothing.
November 7, 2008, 6:15 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I just made a huge, huge, un-overstatably huge realization about posting on this bull-hog: I really have no reason to worry about timeliness; in fact I have, more or less, six times less reason to worry about it than anyone else. (except Dan. Fuck you, Dan.) Seriously: I could think something in one moment, and then not do anything for the next six hours’ worth of moments, and it would all be the same to our dear readers (us) in North america. (God damn it Dan, Fuck off.)That’s the thing – there is no fury in a blog scorned; only in the ego of the blogger.

You see, I live in France. GMT+1 while all you folks (again, Fuck you Dan) are plodding along in GMT-5. Ew.

My purported raison d’etre on this old family farm was “an american in Paris”. But the thing is: I don’t really even live in Paris. I live just outside Paris in a charming slice of the banlieue known as Noisy-le-Sec. The translation has something to do with nut trees and dryness – I’ll get back to you. So I feel a bit guilty/dishonest about leaning too heavily on that role. But lacking any other discernible expertise, or at least any that outshines the estimable skills of my/our/your co-bloggers, I’ll take whatever pigeonhole I can get for the moment.

So without straying too far afield, my opening anecdote is this (seriously, Fuck-you-Dan):

If it weren’t for my incorrigible instincts towards thrift and self-importance, I would have no “international reaction” to share with the world. (I was asleep at 5:00am when my mom called me to tell me Ohio had flipped – the closest I got to your whooping and street dancing was an unexpectedly smooth feed of the speech from Grant Park.) Luckily, in the weeks preceding the election, I happened to be badgering the press relations manager of a certain French music magazine for press passes to their ridiculo-stacked festival this coming week, and on November fifth, her eventual (positive!) reply went something like this:

“Bonjour John,

First off, congratulations! It is a true joy and comfort in the world today! We escaped Sarah Palin! The only problem is that in France, we’ve still got Sarkozy…”
Lacking an Obama shirt or button or even a flag pin, I was hoping people would just kindof recognize I was American and rush up to shake my hand and thank me the next morning…but no dice. I absentee-voted for Obama, and all I got was these crummy press passes.

# 108: Blogging
August 30, 2008, 4:44 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

just thought we might need a little more direction……..

August 28, 2008, 1:15 am
Filed under: Uncategorized