i bring you the previously unpublished and thought to be lost $$_A*HOWE_$$ poems
December 1, 2008, 3:40 pm
Filed under: $$_A*HOWE_$$, Leon, poetry

Looking through old draft posts on this blog, I came across these two unpublished posts by $$_A*HOWE_$$. Sitting in the depths of Blogger’s catacombs, I read them with interest. To read a poem is one thing, but to a read a poem in this context is another – it brings up questions that can’t be readily answered. Why didn’t he finish these posts? Why did he leave the drafts up? Laziness? Forgetfulness? Or to be discovered? Or to be hidden for future use?

I realized when I was re-typing them here to be posted, that these two entries differ in fundamental ways. The first, “Untitled” (and Unfinished), was clearly meant to be in poetic or prose form. Lines were parsed, stanzas clearly delineated, and thoughts ramble on like a Kerouac paragraph. Halfway through typing up the second, “potpurri”, it dawned upon me that it was perhaps not meant to be a poem. See, when viewing old drafts of others on the Blogger dashboard, the text is crunched into narrow columns, making even the most paragraphical posts come off as Shakespearean sonnets. However, I thought it worked well as a poem, and let the way it was chopped up stand. Read it as you will.

1. “Untitled”

driving me and gma to vote
up hill (suburb on a hill)
radio: literally the november rain guitar
solo; my huge desire for that to matter
[shrill candidate wife campaigining literally in
parking lot for husband…
…vote, no wait]
klosterman metaphysics, call it
wait, real metaphysics
desire to drape doilies of meaning onto the
crumbs and pebbles of our dioramas—all the
but voting
a hundred million people and change say I
Want This
and not a referendum on ice cream flavors
as awesome as that would be
but I Want This for my life
to be… represented by x or y
representation >> empathy in the broadest
sense >> mimesis, and self/circumstances-
we do it in poems/to poets all the time
hell, think of any given sports championship
even neanderthal sportswriters have no
choice but to try on narratives like wedding
[newsweek about “never lost his ironic
detachment,” thats exactly what i was
imagining a president of our generation
behaving as: ‘i will fix this country. hah, no i
wont. but i really want to try! seriously!’]


okay, great, economic crisis
that being fine: watchment quote about
“cards on the table”
but also, reflection:
there is so much land
and food is so fundamentally affordable
that travis’s longstanding thesis is true as
ever: everyone is fine, will be fine
even souplines had soup at the end of them
in fact
the only thing holding everyone from th

2. “potpurri”

fratboys the bugbear of middlebrow criticism
(limbo-bar usa today can thus praise the
“frat pack” and call them that without any
hand wringing)—and of course there are
kind ‘n worldly members of fraternity in this
country, but there are also Jewish bank
moguls and african americans who can
never, will never, get their fill of
watermelon, and only alfred p. No One is
helped by focussing on these

realizing being home that openness to
strange experiences is fucking central to me
in terms of who i can like (need to
distinguish, phrasing and otherwise, from
the bullshit widespread “open to new
experiences!” like the purple sex pillow in
burn after reading)

and anyone can be! although probably true
that certain groups are worse about it—the
blacks, for example. no im kidding.
fraternity types, perhaps.

mt adams vs clifton manhattan vs

the bandana as not-douche signifier despite
the rest of what im wearing. mix and match,
right? mixing high and low is still in, right?

increasing my live-with-me stock living at
home: cleaning, etc.


pure evil
November 25, 2008, 4:58 pm
Filed under: evil, giant isopod, Leon, monster

” … the giant isopod has one of the most repulsive forms in the animal kingdom to humans. This is thought by psychologists to be due to its many legs, exaggerated exoskeleton, large compound eyes, and foul odor that it obtains through a life underwater. Because of this, giant isopods are rarely found in the human media, and are even less often used as pets.

worst person ever
November 24, 2008, 8:26 pm
Filed under: environment, idiots, Leon

who’s the worst person ever?

no it’s not george bush. it’s not even hitler! it’s thomas midgley, jr. who dat?

he was a chemical engineer, born in 1889, who worked for GM. his boss was charles kettering, who told him to find stuff that would help out with their cars. so thomas went up and invented “ethyl”, which was really gasoline with tetra-ethyl lead added to it – leaded gasoline. this led to lead in the air everywhere, poisoning babies and puppies and kittens worldwide, and killing off the environment. way to go, jerkface.

GM loved him so much they asked him to find a chemical to use as refrigerant for their household appliances. lo and behold, he found a compound that did just that – dichlorodifluoromethane, a chlorinated fluorocarbon, aka CFC. thomas called it “freon”. GM put it in everything, and now thomas’s nefarious plan to destroy the earth forever was underway.

karma’s a bitch, though, and that IDIOT thomas contracted polio. because the disease disabled him, thomas invented a system of ropes and pulleys to help people lift him in and out of bed. turning out to be a true thomas midgley, jr. invention, he found himself entangled in the ropes and pulleys one day, and he strangled himself.

the dude who put lead in gasoline and CFCs in the air was killed by his own final invention

how fitting

(bonus environmental tragedy by clicking the picture!)

My head is full of facts
November 24, 2008, 6:27 pm
Filed under: fainting goats, kelloggs, lightning, QI, quite interesting, sewer balls, vampire bats

Since lists are all the rage right now, here’s some things I’ve learned while watching one of my favorite TV shows during its 6th season, QI (Quite Interesting):

A vampire bat is most likely to bite your big toe

A park ranger called Roy Sullivan was struck by lightning 7 times in his life, then died by committing suicide with a shotgun

Corn flakes were originally used to discourage masturbation. John Harvey Kellogg was deeply against the practice.

The Paris sewers (which line up exactly with the streets above) are cleaned by massive balls, which are pushed by jets of water.

Fainting goats help protect flocks of sheep by allowing the rest of the flock to escape from predators like wolves, whilst it is eaten. (click the picture, its so worth it to see these goats in action)

Things I Googled for while watching Sixteen Candles alone
November 24, 2008, 4:34 am
Filed under: Leon, molly ringwald, sixteen candles

1. What happens when guys take birth control pills
2. How come I don’t know anyone that looks like Molly Ringwald is it an 80s thing or what
3. Isn’t it bizarre that the Asian guy in Harold And Kumar Go To White Castle really likes Sixteen Candles despite the incredibly offensive and unfunny Asian character featured in it as comic relief
4. High school was never like Sixteen Candles
5. Sixteen Candles sucks
6. Number of single women in New York City
7. Big boobies

things i have seen outside my office window
November 19, 2008, 2:33 pm
Filed under: fuck, Leon

nothing. i work in a cubicle.

this is post 101
November 18, 2008, 12:44 am
Filed under: girls, Leon, music, sad

i frequently suffer from bouts of extreme depression – usually when i’m walking from one place to another, listening to my ipod, and feeling oh so alone. sometimes it’s the song, or the weather, or every pretty girl i pass by. this time it was all three, as an 8-minute remix of “golden cage” by the whitest boy alive came on, a gust of wind buffetted my face, and a gorgeous blonde walked by with purple boots, a purple scarf, and a copy of surely you’re joking, mr. feynman! under her arm. i will never get to kiss that girl!

what surprises me about dance songs is the way they can affect me. you mention house, techno or electro to someone, and their mind jumps to some coked out, ecstasy-laden club where everyone’s drinking red bull vodkas and finding new ways to air hump to sound waves. yet i’ve been listening to dance music almost exclusively for the last year, and i still come across songs that make me feel a whole array of emotions. it’s a way a song uses the beat to drive home a beautiful melody, or to slowly seep a fuzzy synth through your head. repetition kills you, repetition drugs you, repetition allows your heart to mindlessly soak up a feeling. for me, it’s also because i’ve always been one to focus on the music part of a song, rather than the lyrics. honestly, i could care less for words. it’s all french to me.

the whitest boy alive – golden cage (fred falke remix)

sebastien tellier – roche (breakbot remix)

on a happier note – i’m learning to cook fried rice! this is my second time, and hopefully it turns out better. i wish someone else was here to try it with me.