how i know we’re in a recession
January 17, 2009, 9:38 pm
Filed under: bargain brand list, correspondences, NOM NOM NOM, photos, survival
from Schmiral <fedgehunder@gmail.com>
to Leyawn <dafwiggenkewlguy@gmail.com>,
Baron Plushett <B.plush@gmail.com>,
HayK47 <willfightyou@gmail.com>
date Sat, Jan 17, 2009 at 4:22 PM
subject Two things
1. Traffic blows
2. This was in the Irish section of my local shoprite

photo

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Re: China
January 15, 2009, 6:52 am
Filed under: america, china, Dreamboats, NPH is my homeboy

ok sure I’ll go to china just as soon as I pay next month’s r..e…

…OH GODDAMMIT NEIL PATRICK HARRIS DON’T START THIS AGAIN.



Zombies: Not a problem
January 10, 2009, 7:20 pm
Filed under: let's be practical, NOM NOM NOM, zombies

Last night I had a dream that I was in a gunfight, and amidst the chaos ‘Lil Wayne tried to strangle me with his small intestine. I started yelling “shoot for the head! THE HEAD!” as if I were giving a lesson in zombie killing.


Question: Were a zombie attack really to occur in this day and age, how long do you think it would last until contained/stopped?

We all know that, since the beginning of zombie mythos, the only way to stop a zombie from nom-ing on your flesh is to aim a fatal shot, stab, or grenade straight to the brain. Save for some places in Manhattan and Bushwick, the un-dead would also be particularly easy to spot on the street, or, coming up your stairs. It wouldn’t take long for somebody with any zombie knowledge whatsoever to devise a plan of action that either ended up in personally killing the zombie, or finding someone that could. I also wouldn’t be surprised if in the Regan administration, a code:dead was created in the possibility of such an attack, resulting in an immediate containment and eradication of the un-dead. Though some/many uncontaminated individuals would undoubtedly be suck within the contained area, I’m sure that we would be smart enough to create militias to protect the interior, if they don’t already exist. I mean, c’mon, zombies can’t even use TOOLS.

So basically, were zombies really to attack, it’d all be over in a week and kids would say a few months later, “man remember when the un-dead rose and we got out of school for like a week? I wish that would happen before my Algebra 2 test tomorrow.”

Yeah. We can all rest easy. Zombies: not a problem.



What in the hell were the 50’s even made out of?

….Scotch apparently, and lots of it.

I’m not quite sure that “The Best of Everything” (1959) entirely lives up to its title. Or perhaps it does in an unintentionally (?) cynical way. The pedestrian storyline, speckled with events such as marriages, miscarriages, affairs, and nervous breakdowns is just a glimpse into one woman’s very very small world. The best of her everything is supposedly the best of every city girl’s everything, and what is that even? Not much more than a 20$ a month salary increase, and a slap on the ass. Oh, and love too. Don’t forget love. However even that department is riddled with realistic failures. The educated ambitious women are portrayed as cold hearted and lonely in the permanent positions of weekend mistresses to married men, while their more wide-eyed naive counterparts get bamboozled by no good playboys who use the word “love” like a handkerchief.

But one thing is for sure, have a sip of scotch for everytime they drink in this movie and you’ll be completely hammered by the abortion scene (that we all totally saw coming).



Mr. Smith goes to contemplate suicide like a dumb quitter
December 19, 2008, 8:46 pm
Filed under: death, holiday season, jimmy stewart, New York Times

YO. This piece about “It’s a Wonderful Life” by Wendell Jamieson appeared in the NYtimes yesterday.

Lots of people love this movie of course. But I’m convinced it’s for the wrong reasons. Because to me “It’s a Wonderful Life” is anything but a cheery holiday tale. Sitting in that dark public high school classroom, I shuddered as the projector whirred and George Bailey’s life unspooled.

Was this what adulthood promised?

“It’s a Wonderful Life” is a terrifying, asphyxiating story about growing up and relinquishing your dreams, of seeing your father driven to the grave before his time, of living among bitter, small-minded people. It is a story of being trapped, of compromising, of watching others move ahead and away, of becoming so filled with rage that you verbally abuse your children, their teacher and your oppressively perfect wife.

The beautiful tragedy of the human condition is that we remain hopeful.



tv used to be awesome
December 15, 2008, 7:51 pm
Filed under: womens and gender studies


WHERE DOES EGGNOG COME FROM?
December 11, 2008, 4:53 am
Filed under: holiday season, huge unreasonable crush, NOM NOM NOM, stardust

Little miss Thu Tran is my new favorite person. Ever. Creator of the blog Food Party, cuisine imagineer, and prop designer for Girl Talk’s last tour, here is her Holiday Special Episode. Excuse me while I go make myself some gingerbread **bling**.

(STILL HUNGRY!? learn how to make “snow balls” with jack frost [who pisses me off and that’s why i don’t feel like including him] and learn Thu’s secret holiday ingredient in part 2 of this webisode)